is having words in your heart that you can't utter. --James Earl Jones
I love words and writing.
It's exciting to me. Trying to capture a thought, a moment, a feeling through words.
Truly there is no comparison to what words can do.
But sometimes, I feel like they suck.
Honestly...like they just don't work.
They are incapable of describing in full my thoughts and feelings and experiences.
Words do not do them justice.
So then, maybe a photograph can explain better...
*snap* *snap* *snap*
Nope.
That may show some different aspects that maybe weren't described with words.
You definitely get a lot more details that way.
But it still leaves something to be desired.
Some strong emotion, some strange sense inside yourself that cannot be captured through a photograph or conveyed through words...
"Something is missing."
What could that something be?
Perhaps the fact that the experience is yours, and no one else's.
The fact that, no matter how hard you try...that same experience will never resonate the same way with anyone else the way that it did with you.
It's not just that they have to experience it themselves, which might help them understand much better...even to the point of almost understanding your words and pictures.
It's that ultimately, despite the words and pictures, despite pouring out your heart...
no one will ever have the same experience as you.
Now to me, this is exciting, although slightly frustrating because I want so badly for everyone to understand the experiences I'm having.
Especially the experiences that are occuring here, in Jaco.
But it's also quite thrilling, because I am constantly filling myself up with experiences and adventures that will never be had by another person.
I mean, who else can experience a sweet hug from a child in the river, or an unexpected walk through a plant tunnel, or the sweet smell of the ocean mixed with the strong smell of garbage?
But I'm glad that we are all having experiences and that they are all very different from each others.
This makes me wonder how we can ever get bored of talking.
Just sharing with each other our different perceptions of one event should be able to keep us talking for hours.
Despite all these silly words I've just written, that I still do not feel do justice to the thoughts roaming through my head and have not captured all that is in my heart...
I do hope you have felt the joy of the experiences I've had here in Jaco. And that at some point in time I will also be able to explain the sadness, the laughter, the frustration, the beauty and just the full adventure of my life in the past few months.
And since you are not here with me, and I am providing no pictures at the moment...
Words will just have to do.
The other day, I had a really bad headache.
We went to the river and it just seemed to intensify.
All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep it off.
Instead, we ended up having some of the girls that live in the river over to our apartment.
Thankfully, it was exactly what I needed.
We had an amazing afternoon together.
Emily straightened one of the girls hair, they ate mangoes, we had girl talk and just relaxed together as girls.
As I'm sitting watching them, I can't get over what amazing girls they are.
To be honest, I exaggerate a lot. I get really excited about a lot of things and I don't know how to express myself other than to exaggerate the situation (ex: "This is the best smoothie I have EVER had!" or "I have never felt this bad in my ENTIRE life"....you get the point).
Anyways...when I say these girls are amazing and that these kids are some of the greatest I have ever known...it is NOT an exaggeration.
The girls are beautiful, to begin with, inside and out.
They have sweet hearts and really long to connect with you.
They have a warm, welcoming way about them that just makes you want to smile all the time.
They are full of life, always running around and laughing and being crazy.
They are just great.
They bless Emily and I all the time, just by being them.
The other afternoon when we had them over, one of the little girls started doing our dishes...just out of nowhere. After that, she began sweeping our floor. Then she made my bed and organized my living space. We kept telling her she didn't have to, but she kept saying how much she loved doing it.
Then her and I folded my clothes together and she listened to some music on my IPOD.
One of the other girls had started making Emily's bed and organizing her stuff as well.
I couldn't even believe it.
My mouth was gaping, I think. I was in shock. These precious girls already bless me so much, just by being around me...but then they go and clean my house and I am just left speechless!
We were all going to church that night and so some of them got ready with us.
They got their makeup done and worked on their hair.
They were just glowing.
It's a wonderful thing for me to be able to spend time with the older girls and have a part in their lives, even despite the language barrier. It's wonderful to be able to let them know they are beautiful, even without all the words.
I'm thankful I have an opportunity to share love in this way.
While it's been quite a frustration at times to not know the language, sometimes I feel it's a great privilege. Learning how to communicate love and acceptance in other forms is challenging, but also a really wonderful experience. It really challenges me to give more than just a couple sentences, but to give creative thought to how I can show them love.
As this time in Jaco is slowly winding down for me (I'll be heading back home in only 3 weeks), I feel like I've grown more in these past couple months than I have in the past couple years! I'm constantly being challenged and learning new things...about myself, about others, about God, about love...you name it, I'm learning it.
It makes me excited to go home and keep putting these things into practice, but also sad that I have to leave this phenomenal place so soon. This place will always be so special in my heart.
