I wake up each morning
and I wonder...
"How am I ever going to leave Jaco?"
I eat some Trix cereal and a banana
then
I hop on my bike down to the River
When I get there, I'm greeted with
smiling faces
squeeze-so-hard-you-can't-breathe hugs
and lots of chitter chatter.
We play, we talk, we do homework.
And then I head back to my apartment,
even though I usually don't want to.
I just can't imagine leaving these kids.
The crazy little one who jumps from table to table
The sweet little boy that I could hold all day long
The teenage girl that has nothing but sweetness and smiles coming out of her
Or the one with the attitude, but the amazing heart
Then there's the little boy that wants to be an artist
And the older one too
Oh...and the young girl that just loves being a girl
and always carries her purse and lipstick wherever she goes
then, there is the older boy who takes care of his siblings
sets them on his lap when they are crying
and carries them across the river when they want to go home
there's the girl thats always ready to help
and the quiet little one that likes to give you puppy dog eyes
theres the beautiful little boy that climbs all over the walls
and makes paper airplanes
even though he's not supposed to
And the older girl that draws beautiful flowers
only to give them to you as a present.
I work with these kids every day that are full of talent
full of love
full of potential
full of joy
They are some of the strongest kids I've ever known
But have to live in some of the worst conditions I've ever seen
I feel like the question is constantly thrown in my face.
Why?
I don't know the answers.
But I know God has given me this awesome opportunity
To hang out with them
Get to know them
Love them
Be a part of their lives
Their talent
Their joy
What an opportunity...
If there is one thing I've always been a big fan of...
it's the fact that every single person is special and unique.
Honestly, I can't get over it. It shocks me. There is not a single person on this entire planet that is the exact same as someone else. Our thought system, brain, heart, skin, eyes, toes, mouth, nose are all different from everyone elses. No one thinks in the exact same way as you. No one feels in their hearts in the exact same way as you. No one enjoys things in the exact same way as you.
Amazing.
So...it makes me wonder why we compare ourselves to each other. Or why we elevate people because they are "beautiful" or "outgoing" or "talented." Why do we regard a person as better than another because of these things? Because it's just not true.
My entire life, I have always had people that have told me I'm "too shy" and "need to speak more." For awhile, I struggled with the thought that it was my downfall. "Well, I'm a good person, but...I don't talk enough and that's a bad thing" was always rambling through my head. It wasn't until later in my teen years that I realized that God made me a bit timid. But that's okay, I still connect with people and hold amazing relationships. I'm still a human being that God created with special love and care.
I've worked with kids a lot and throughout the Children at Risk school, I thought a lot about how important words are to children--well to anyone really. As I work with these kids in the river everyday, I think about the things I heard as a child or things that my friends heard. I think about what these children might hear. I think, more than anything, I want these kids--and everyone else--to know that they are great as they are. That they don't have to put up masks or try to be what people want them to be. God made them to be just as they are, to do the things they like to do and to feel and think the way that is natural to them. I don't want them to ever feel inferior because of beauty or talent or things that people tell them. Even if you don't have a single talent (which everyone has at least one), you are still a human being and God created you with special love, attention and detail.
There are no mistakes.
I just want kids to know this. To know they can grow up just as they are.
The kids that I'm working with are treasures. They have the world inside of them. They are full of life. They are special.
They are unique.
And every day I just can't wait to spend more time with them.
I'm not sure my life has ever been this crazy, unpredictable or adventurous. I thought driving through Africa was an insane feat, but the adventures just keep on coming.
As if every day here wasn't spontaneous enough, this past weekend took a strange, unexpected turn...
One of my teammates, Isaac, became sick on Saturday with intense stomach pain. On Sunday morning, Leslie, one of my outreach leaders, showed up with her six-month old baby Koa and asked if someone would accompany her to San Jose to take Isaac to the doctor. Thinking this would only be a day trip and I could spend my Monday relaxing on the beach, I gladly agreed to go. What we thought would be a quick two-hour road trip up to San Jose, turned into a 4 1/2 hour trip on a dirt and gravel road, through the mountains and rainforest, along cliff edges with a car that would not stop shaking. We had taken this road as a shortcut, but quickly learned it was not. After an hour, I felt as though it would never end. I could imagine us on this road for days, driving, driving, driving...never finding a way out. Dramatic, I know, but at this point I felt as though I was going a little insane...I could not stop laughing at what was happening. On the other hand, the nature and beauty that surrounded us on this road was unbelievable. The "fake jungles" in the Zoos at home can't even begin to do places like this justice. It was breathtaking.
After making it to San Jose and the doctor, we discovered that the car wouldn't start. I just want to remind you all that at this point we still had a six-month old baby with us. We were unsure of what to do, but Isaac made some calls and soon we found ourselves in another car, watching the van get towed to a mechanic and on our way back to a Camp Center to stay the night with a missionary couple and their family.
The Camp Center was located back in the depths of Costa Rica, surrounded by hills and forests. The roads we were taking made me feel like we were on a roller coaster. We arrived, not knowing what to expect. We knew there was no electricity, but we weren't sure about anything other than that. It turns out this missionary couple is from Kentucky, the woman grew up Amish and he was a carpenter and farmer. They are building a Camp Center to host teams, Pastors, conferences, retreats, ect. It's an amazing place and the work they have done is phenomenal. I could not believe their hospitality, generosity, selflessness or devotion to God. It was incredible and inspiring. They have not yet built a home for themselves. Instead, they are first working on getting the Camp Center done. They heard God and trusted Him for this place and now it is coming alive. I've never seen such pure faith and action. It was beautiful.
Their family was so welcoming, feeding us, talking with us, giving us an amazing room with comfortable bunk beds. Leslie and I had a slumber party that night and the next morning took some walks through the woods, played some games and then were able to pick up the car and head back home to Jaco.
It constantly amazes me that God puts such wonderful people around me. I am always learning and growing. Just watching the way Leslie handled what could be a stressful situation with laughter and grace, taught me a lot about worrying, stress and attitudes. Because of Leslie's loving, gracious and easygoing attitude toward the situation, I felt completely at ease and wasn't upset at all by the twist of events. Instead it turned into a nice, relaxing time. The family that took us in did so without any question. Then, they treated us like special guests and did everything they could to make us as comfortable as possible. Listening to their story really affected me as well. Just hearing about their faith was encouraging. I'm so thankful that God put these people in my life to show me the characteristics, attitudes and faith I want to have.
Every day is a new adventure. Every day is a journey, a growing experience, a time to learn.
I'm learning, growing and venturing in thrilling, beautiful ways.
Sadly, I did not have my camera with me, but here are some pictures I found that might give you a glimpse into what I saw...
This "kind of" shows what the road was like. Much crazier though. And more beautiful.
At the moment my mind is on major overload.
And I'm glad. I embrace the craziness of my brain. I enjoy using it.
So many things are happening right now. Challenging, character building things. Things that are blowing my mind. Things that are rattling my attitudes. Things that are changing me.
I've ventured off to yet another new home and my mind just doesn't know what to do with it. I've always been the type of person to have everything organized. I've always had plans, always needed control over the situations in my life. I love to live wild and free, but only within certain limitations. I think we all feel the same way in a sense.
Since I've been here, I've been considering freedom and what it really means.
I have my own apartment now, just bought a bike that will help me travel a lot easier, can make my own meals and, for the most part, do my own thing. Is that what freedom is? Living on your own, being able to do things your own way.
No...I don't really think so.
Today, I had this picture in my mind of people jumping into water. While I have done some adventurous things in my life, I tend to shy away pretty quickly from water adventures. I have many friends that embrace the water and jump into it full force whenever they are near it. Scott and Leslie, my outreach leaders, have a pool at their new home and I have watched their boys jump numerous times into the water. Letting go of all inhibitions. Throwing themselves into the wind. Falling, falling, falling. Breaking through the surface of the water. Plunging down deeper.
Freedom.
I'm not really sure what freedom is just yet. But I think that this time in Jaco will be a time to learn what it means to me. As I spend time with the kids in the River each day, I find the worries and anxieties of life are slowly melting away. I'm unthawing. Preparing myself for a change, an adventure. Preparing myself for freedom.
And then...
Spreading that freedom as far as it can take me.
Little by little...
"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." - Laura Ingalls Wilder
As I sit here, thinking back on my first week of living in Jaco, I am honestly just in awe of God. Never in my life have I felt so blessed as I do right now. Each day is a reminder that the little things truly count and they make life what it is. Each little step, each little smile, each little thought...they are pure blessings.
I feel like even my senses have just increased even while being here. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch...somehow God has give me the ability to feel even more. Just as I'm typing, I'm laying in a hammock, watching the lightning, listening to the thunder, smelling the smoldering smoke from a camfire next door. It's magnificent.
God has just blessed me with so many things, I feel like each day is a new surprise. The past few days, we've had the beautiful opportunity to begin working with kids in a place called "the River." It's just a small community located on the river banks running into the ocean. The kids are phenomenal. Already I've come to love them. Emily and I have also been able to start a collection of artwork they've drawn us and we have a nice collage on our wall. A typical day involves being jumped on, hugged until you can't breath, carrying around and holding the most beautiful children in the world while sweat is pouring out of you, smiling, laughing, playing silly games, trying to communicate in Spanish, drawing strange looking animals on pieces of paper for the kids to color, screaming at the top of your lungs, laughing, helping with homework (somehow, I managed to help a little girl with her Spanish homework...I think I learned more than she did!) and just generally having fun and being silly. I can't explain how much I love it. When I'm in those situations, I can't see anything past the kids that are in front of me. The world stops and I just get to love, love, love and recieve lots of love in return. It's great...I almost want to say it's magical. I can't think of any other way to describe it.
Other than the blessing of being able to spend time with those kids, there are many other blessings as well. After a hot day of walking about 3 or 4 hours in extreme heat, Emily and I talked about how there was nothing we would like better than to be laying in a pool, on an inflatable raft, drinking smoothies. By the end of the day, we had drank an amazing smoothie, lounged in our leaders beautiful pool and had some great conversation. God truly goes above and beyond my expectations. Every day, some new, small blessing appears that knocks my socks off.
Right now I feel like this time is all about capturing moments. It's about realizing that the smallest things can make the biggest difference. I have to remember that not only for my everyday life, but also in what I am looking for God to do through ministry and love. The smallest things, like playing in the mud with a child, can do such a great thing in the long run. Little by little, we are changing lives and making a difference in the world. Nothing is too little to go unlooked. The littlest things can produce the biggest changes.
So, what am I, what are you, doing with the little things, with the moments?
"All great things are only a number of small things that have carefully been collected together." - Anonymous
"We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love." - Mother Teresa
The past two weeks have been full of excitement. It started off with a beautiful graduation dinner from our school. We went out to a Peruvian restaurant, played some games afterwards and then said our goodbyes. It was a great night, but sad knowing that it was the end of this rough, challenging, intense but amazing school.
The next nine days I spent back home in Indiana. It was a last minute ordeal, so I had the chance to surprise family and friends. I really enjoyed every minute I had at home, relaxing and hanging out with my parents. It was just what I needed before I headed back into these next few months of my life. Which leads me to...
Jaco. I came back to Costa Rica on Sunday night. Yesterday morning, we loaded up a van (literally loaded because we had so many bags) and moved down to Jaco, Costa Rica. It's a beach town about two hours outside of San Jose and where I will be living for at least the next three months. Emily and I walked into our new apartment and could barely contain our excitement. We have a mini kitchen with cabinets, a sink and refigerator (which I was able to make ice cubes in and drink cold water). We also have a little loft with a mattress that Emily has made her home in. I'm sleeping downstairs on a nice, big mattress, right next to our very own bathroom! We also have air conditioning...which in Jaco is one of the biggest blessings you could possibly get. We decorated the room and now it feels super "homey" and wonderful.
Our outreach is just beginning. We've had a couple meetings so far just to talk about what we will be doing. The place we are living has a skate ministry and Bible study each week. We will be opening the skate ramp everyday so the kids can come and skate. We are also looking into working everyday at an after school program in the area. Opportunities are opening up and I'm excited! Now I just need to work harder on my Spanish. :)
Speaker: Barbara Ruegger
Topic: Attachment
It’s our last and final day of lectures. I can hardly believe we are finished. At the beginning, it seemed like this day would never come. Now I feel like it has come too fast. This last week our topic was attachment and attachment disorders. It’s a really interesting and useful topic, something I didn’t know much about before. There are an estimated 800,000 children in the United States that have attachment disorder. That’s a huge amount for just one country. One of the things we have learned this week is that attachment disorder is a fairly new concept and seems to be highly overlooked. Many kids that are struggling or exhibit violent behavior could have attachment disorder, but often we just put them off as “bad children.”
Attachment is defined as the affectionate tie between two people. This is a normal thing and it shows how a child will form future relationships. Attachment disorder happens when individuals have trouble forming lasting relationships. Usually it occurs when they don’t have anyone consistent in their lives as a child or have been abused. We watched a disturbing movie this week about a young, 5-year-old girl who had been sexually abused by her father when she was only a year old. A family had adopted her and her younger brother, but there were many problems with her. She abused her little brother and tried to kill him several times, once by repeatedly slamming his head into a cement floor. She was stealing knives from the kitchen and planning to kill someone. The parents had to lock her in her room at night so she wouldn’t harm anyone. Remember…this is a five year old girl. They interviewed her in the movie and it was sad to see the hollowness in her. She had no emotion, no feelings. Thankfully, the adopted parents sent her somewhere to get help. Her life completely changed, she was able to heal and even began going to church.
To me, it was such a shock that young children could be that emotionless and even want to kill. While this is an extreme case, there are many children still affected by this disorder and are not getting the help that they need. If we are working with kids, we need to start realizing that this could be the cause of why they are acting up. If we find out the real reasons, instead of just assuming, we can do so much more for the child and help them in greater ways.
